I have been in Mourning....

that is why I have not blogged in quite awhile....My dear Cousin died suddenly at the age of 34. He was the director of my son's preschool, and my fellow iphone buddy....these past 2 weeks have been pure HELL I will not lie about that....it has been awful, I mean really it has just been bad....knowing in your head he is gone forever and never coming back, but....in your heart you cannot help but HOPE it was all just a bad dream and he is still here on earth....

I think in a lot of ways it would have been easier to deal with if we knew it was coming....and if we had time to prepare our son....but how do you prepare a 3 year old to understand death? that I do not know....he still does not completely understand....he woke up one morning last week and asked "mommy, can I draw a picture?" I said sure, who do you want to draw a picture for? he said "for Uncle Ralph so it will make him feel better and he can come back to us!!" I lost it...could not stop the flood of tears from flowing.....my poor poor boy just does not get it at all....and how can I possibly expect him too? That in itself has to be one of the hardest things to ever have to try to explain to a child....Death....gone, never coming back again, in Heaven with God....an Angel watching over us....

I try to think of the good times we had growing up...all of the trouble we got into as kids....and that is a good thing....remembering those times....but also sad because we lost such a great and lovable person....someone that devoted his life to kids, and truly caring about "his kids" he was a big guy, he looked like he could easily be intimidating, threatening just by his presence alone, but he was the most gentle teddy bears ever!!! and I will forever miss him!!!