yes, I am at it again....4 days left

those that read my blog...the whole four of you.....LOL I am sure you are tired of my blogs already. but I find them helpful, at a not so easy time right now....in a mere 4 days my daughter is leaving the only home she has ever known and going off to college and I have to say that scares me a lot!! I know that she knows we will always be here for her, that we did "good" by her, that we raised her right and all the other things that people say....my brain knows this, it really does, BUT my heart, that's a different story.....it does not care that we raised her right, it does not care that she is only a phone call, instant message, web cam view, email away....it just knows that she is going to be GONE, AWAY, OUT OF SIGHT, NOT HERE....and it HURTS....yeah, that about covers it....its an ache that I cannot describe, and only until you experience this first hand will you fully understand.....I for one never dreamed it would "feel" this way....never, I thought sure I would feel sad....but the "ache" I feel is a mean ass feeling....its just something that is there and really does not want to go away....I will do my best to keep my chin up and be strong for her, and as we are driving away then and only then will I totally lose it!!! at least I HOPE I can accomplish that!!!

Wordless Wednesday

you know who you are.............ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the olympic bs...........

just had to blog about this....because I for one think it is total bullsh*t!!! Yesterday we watched as the Jamaican runners took all three medal's in the 100 meter sprint....the ones that came in behind the gold medal winner were TIED....so they BOTH got a silver medal...OK cool they tied they both DESERVE the silver right!!! well, today watching the uneven bars in gymnastics on tv, the girl from China did her routine.....scored a 16.725....she had mistakes....but they still rewarded her with that big score.....up next was the US girl....she did FAR better than the girl from China, sure she had a couple of mistakes BUT not nearly as much as the girl from China....(who by the way is sixteen my ass!!!) and ended up with a score of 16.725....same as the girl from China...both Gold medal winners right!?!?!?! I mean it is the Olympics after all where the best of the best if they are tied they both get the same gold medal right!!! NOPE not in gymnastics!!! they have a tie breaker system set up!!! how effed up is that?!?! the damn Australian judge obviously totally inexperienced or maybe just wanted to get back at the USA because we kicked the Aussie's ass in swimming....gave a total suck ass score to poor Nastia....but gave the Chinese chick a higher score....what she has been smoking I guess we will never know....the whole throw out of highest scores then the lowest to find out who wins the tie breaker.....is just a LOAD OF BULL!!! so I guess that sets up a fine example to young girls that gee in track and field and any other sport in the Olympics if you tie you both get the same medal...but if its Gymnastics....you are shit out of luck!!!! I agree with Béla Károlyi its a total bunch of bullsh*t and needs to be changed!!! ok just my little pissed off point of view on this....

Do you wonder what your kids will be when they grow up?

I have often thought about this, and wondered what things they will be doing in the future, what that future may hold for them.....how things that I am teaching them will affect them in the future.....if I did things right or wrong.....I guess this is really coming about because in 9 days my eldest is leaving for college, and I wonder if I have instilled all the values that I want her to have in her....and even if I did, will they stick, will she remember them? I know what a big bad scary world it is out there, and know she has to be let out of the nest to fly on her own, but one cannot help but wonder.....did I do right by her......I guess the only thing you can do as a parent is hope and pray you did and then let them falter and just be there for them to pick up the pieces when something bad happens.....not that you are hoping something bad happens but you kwim.....my oldest son has always wanted to be a paleontologist....since he was 3....and 10 years later it is still what he wants to do, and I have no doubts that if he puts his mind to it, he will succeed in that area......my second daughter.....well she is not sure what she wants to do it varies from a doctor, to a store owner, to whatever strikes her fancy that day......BUT I do have to say she is the one I am most looking forward to seeing what she will become......because 3.5 years ago she was hit by a car.....and that had to be the most scary thing in the world as a parent just knowing it was your child that was just hit.....somehow someway *I* knew it was going to be her in the street when I opened the door....no matter how many times I said "please let it be a dog, please let it be a dog" something deep down inside me KNEW it was her....sure enough there she was laying in the street not moving.....I can close my eyes to this day and remember it so clearly....and the saying "it gets easier with time" is a load of shit!!! no it doesn't!!! when I let myself dare to even think of that day, it still hurts like crazy, I can still feel all the emotion that I did that day....but I digress...she was sent down to Seattle for observation, because thankfully a very astute dr was working the ER and noticed a crack in her skull right behind her ear....and because of that she was airlifted to Seattle where they have a pediatrics intensive care unit.....so my baby girl all of the age of 6 was gone from me for a few days....it seemed like forever because an almost 8 month along pregnant woman was not allowed to travel with her daughter....it was not until she came home to us, that she asked us "if God wears shorts and sunglasses?" so being ever so curious as to what she was talking about I asked her "why, I am sure he can wear whatever he wants too" she then proceeded to tell us that when she was hit by the car and laying there motionless in the street (as I was shaking her to wake up) she saw God, and where she was was so beautiful and peaceful and quiet.....and he told her that "he was not finished with her yet, she had to go back" so she did, and the next thing she remembers is me sitting there on the ground with her and yelling at her to WAKE UP!!! she opened her eyes and tried to get up, but could not....THANK GOD everything is fine with her and she has no real scars from it....but that takes me to the "I cannot wait to see what she becomes, and what she does in this world" because God sent her back to us and told her he was not finished with her yet.....so for me who truly believes in God and believes her and KNOWS that he spoke to her, I just am impatiently waiting for her to grow up and become whatever it is she is meant to be and do.....its not that I do not care what my other kids will do and become, but I just have a feeling that she was meant for something far greater than what I am or ever hoped to be.....

my two youngest....they vary between a princess, a bowser...(don't ask he is from Mario) policeman, nurse, doctor, and whatever strikes their fancy on that given point in time....you know how it is with a 5 year old and a 3 year old....but I still cannot wait to see what all of them become when they do grow up and leave me and my house......but thankfully I have a few more years before I have to go thru all of this again!!!!! 5 to be exact.....then college, life in the big bad world starts all over again for the next in line....so when you are so eager for your kids to grow up and move out.....enjoy the time you have with them....because in the blink of an eye they go from 3 years old to 18 and leaving you......and to tell the truth that is NO PICNIC at all!!!! THEY (whoever they are) never told me how hard this was going to be!!!

I got an award!!! YAY!!!

Thank you Heather @ http://myquestforsanity.blogspot.com/ You rock, and made my rainy dreary day a whole heck of a lot brighter!!!

now onto the rules of the game.........

Rules are Fairly simple:

1. Only 5 people are allowed to receive this award
2. Four (4) of them are followers of your blog.
3. One has to be new to your blog and live in another part of the world.
4. You must link back to who ever gave you the award.

The 5 people are encouraged to pass this award to 5 Blogging friends too, following the 4 rules listed above. Now, for who I pass it onto:

Mimi
Moo
Bridgette
Jessica
Lori @ Charming Lamb


Wendi

Barbies and Princesses.....

Evil? Sexual? Just plain wrong?

This seems to be the debate out there with mothers these days....what influence do these "dolls" have on our girls. *I* happen to be a mom with 3 girls that thinks they have no REAL influence on them at all....they did not make my daughters want to dress in skimpy clothes, act sexually inappropriate, older than their age.....etc....they were just "dolls" something you dressed up and played with....hell Ken wasn't even the dominate force in the relationship!!! Barbie was always saving Ken from his predicaments he was getting himself into....you know hanging from the ceiling fan, hanging from the window sill in the family van because he was driving too fast....LOL ken was definitely not the manly man in our house....he always needed saving from some foolishness he got himself into....and Barbie was always the strong woman who saved the day....

Princesses....now those did not come along in popularity until my second daughter came along....and she is far from a girl that emulates them....she is the most stubborn, opinionated, take no prisoners type of girl....she is not so much into them now that she will be 10 soon, but in her most "princess crazed" faze she did not try to dress like them or act like them or anything...she was just a girl playing with a doll and that was that....and they too got into the predicaments that be felled Ken....and they would take turns saving each other....because one day Ariel was the best because Cinderella was in the water and got her foot stuck, so Ariel had to save her......then it was Belle's turn to save the day....you get what I mean....

now my third daughter who is 5 is totally obsessed with everything princess....she LOVES them she is totally nuts about them....she dresses up in the costumes (they used to be Halloween costumes) and pretends to be Belle, Ariel, Aurora, and dances around and sings the songs....just normal innocent kids things.....she does not act out sexually, or inappropriately in any way....she acts like a little girl dreaming of being a princess.....I mean come on what woman out there would not LOVE to be a princess!?! or at least treated like a princess!!! lol

So far with my girls they are just normal girls, that do not dress like ho's, act out in a sexual manner, or anything that I hear some mother's say that these "dolls" represent, or could cause them to act like.....to me that is a bunch of BS! its called parenting....setting limits, and boundaries....to blame a doll for how your little girl acts is just plain mind boggling to me..... I just cannot grasp that concept! and I doubt I ever will......

Brett Brett Brett

what are you doing to me man.......the Jets......you are actually going to make me watch the jets games.....the freaking jets!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......the sacrifices we make to watch you play again.....I guess I just have to as my son would say "suck it up princess" and just do it.....to see you and your enthusiasm on the field again will be worth it in the end....the packers.....I am still OUT on that portion of the equation.....mike and ted....I think will be packing their bags come the end of the season.....I mean....honestly......Brett Favre on one side, Aaron on the other.....hmmmm which one do I pick to LEAD the team into the season?!? Aaron...because he didn't change his mind about retiring, he didn't use his god given right of changing ones mind!! give me a break!!! I hope he does well......really I do.....but there is a tiny tiny part of me that thinks.....he will fall flat, and the Green Bay fans will be the ones to pay for Mike and Ted's stupidity!!! yeah I said it Mike and Ted are S T U P I D!!! DUMB!!! ASININE!!! hmmm just about any word that is related to those words will fit!!! its how I feel....I have loved the Packers since they took on Brett all those years ago....I stuck with them thru it all the ups and downs....but this "down" is a hard pill to swallow.....how to get past it is going to be the challenge for any packer fan.....but THIS packer fan is not a happy packer fan.....she is a disappointed packer fan....a disenfranchised packer fan.....I look at my plates on my car around my name and think.....do I take them off in protest and get a Jets jersey with my beloved #4 on it.....because when it comes down to it.....Brett or the Packers.......this one fan has to say.......Brett all the way baby!!!! he IS football....he is not about the money... he proved that when he didn't take their 20 mil to quit.....he is about PLAYING FOOTBALL!!! and he LOVES it he is a kid on the field and to ME that is how a professional football player should be.....LOVING every minute of it and doing it because he truly LOVES it......

MRI...........UGH!!!!

not a very "come and read type of title" but....that is how I feel right now!!! I am so dreading the experience!!! the thought of going into a small tube that makes these obnoxious thumps for any amount of time is just unbearable!!! I get all out of sorts just thinking about it....I am so not ready for this.....I have known since Wednesday that I am getting one....not much time to prepare....but.....I am trying so hard to be positive about it... you know like, we will finally KNOW what is going on with my back......but at the same time the thought of being in a teeny tiny tube enclosed with loud ass thumps making their lovely noises all around me....just makes me want to puke!!! the last time I had one was 5 years ago....and I had two done in the same year...the first one was pure HELL and the second one was not so bad.....BUT.....I was drugged up at the time because my lovely 5 year old daughter blew my disc from approx 3mm to a whopping 11mm on the last push to get her out.....I know it has to be done, and that I will know what is going on when it finally does get done.....but that still does not erase the fact that I cannot handle small tight spaces.....I am doing OK as of now....but come Sunday evening and Monday morning I so will not be doing OK....that is a fact I do know!!! anyone got any tips out there as to how to keep myself cool calm and collected!?!? because any advice would be appreciated....otherwise on national news tickers you will see "woman arrested for going ballistic in a hospital in Alaska"....j/k I think!!!

blog I wrote last year.....

when you look away for a split second....your daughter is a senior!!!

yeah, that is pretty much how it is.....or so it seems....look away and bam they are getting ready to leave.....whats the deal with that!!?? yes I know its all apart of growing up....but what I want to know is where did that little inquisitive girl go? you know the one that thought you walked on water, and asked you about everything...."mommy how do birds fly? why do fish swim? why don't you like my pet spider? Look over there mommy!!!" and you look, and look back....and the little inquisitive girl is now a young woman getting ready to leave you and get on with her life.....makes you look back and wonder if you did right by her? did you instill the right values? did you let her know that it is ok to have your own opinion? and that you can do anything at all if you set your mind to it!!! I think I have....but there are times when I am not so sure......you know the times when Mom could possibly never ever know what it is like to have your heart broken....or a friend totally betray you....how could you know this your my mom......Well darling....mom was not always a mom...and gasp....was actually once in your shoes!!! I know I have done some right things for sure.....she would give her life for her brothers and sisters.....that is a given....even when she is griping about them and being their other mother....I know this fall when she is by herself in her dorm room....she will be missing them tremendously!!! and I think deep down she knows that.....so even though I looked away for that split second and she went from 2 to 17 in a blink of an eye.....and she will be gone from my daily sight....she definitely will not be out of mind!!! and when she enters this big bad world and feels like it is getting the best of her, she can always come home and drop her guard and just be the little inquisitive girl I once knew........