do you put your dh first in your marriage, or do your children come first?

now that is an interesting question.......

most tend to agree that they should put their dh's first...that their needs need to come before all else....I don't see it that way....dh and I have been together for 19 years now....we know each other inside and out....he knows I love him, and I know he loves me...we don't do the date nights because honestly with 5 kids...its just not feasible....we make time for each other....it may not seem like quality time to others, but we do what we can with a house full....even if its just sitting together in our big ass recliners watching tv shows we like, or talking about our days....and him asking about my "mommy friends" LOL Maybe at times I do take him for granted because we have the ability for me to stay at home with our kids....but as he says....he would not have it any other way....he loves the idea that I am at home with them, and that when they get sick that I am there for them to come home to.....I try to tell him how much I appreciate him, and he knows it, by the little things I do, be it buying him a Mtn Dew and bringing it to him at work, or buying him his favorite ice cream or things of that nature....because to me it is the little things in life that mean so much more than the big things......sure him buying me a mustang was a wonderful thing....but I quite honestly the popcorn machine he bought me had to be the highlight of all the presents he has ever bought me!!! of course this was a total "HUH" from him...LOL how could I possibly get more excited about a popcorn machine than a mustang? and it is quite simple really.....while the mustang is what I built online and he bought it for me, because he wanted to, it was a gift that really was not a necessity.....and to ME him buying me a popcorn machine (like the movie theaters have) was something that I could only dream about....because that wasn't something you could just go out and buy a few years ago.....but now here it is sitting in my house making the most wonderful popcorn in the world......and for any popcorn lover...you will definately understand that it is the ULTIMATE gift!!!

OK sorry....to meander....back to the topic at hand........

I do tend to put my kids first....I always have....for the last 17 and a half years I have done this.... its not because I do not love my husband as much, it is because it is my duty as a mother to teach them and mold them and to show them as much love and support as I possibly can, and so that they know that when they leave my house and go off into this big bad world, that there will ALWAYS be unconditional love waiting for them at home!!! We have our own unique way of doing things that maybe most families or couples just don't get, but it works...Bruce and I have a deep love, that is so deep within me that the thought of him not being there HURTS....and he feels it and knows it....it is just as deep as my love for my kids....but there is a difference to me of that love....because even though we said we would "love honor and cherish" each other, sometimes it just doesn't work out....and with that being said....I know if he were to die or leave me, I could and would go on, I would have too....for my kids.....but if something were to happen to all of my kids.....I just do not know if I could go on....I don't know if I could find the strength to go on....even for my husband....and as wrong as that sounds...he understands that...we have talked about it like we do about everything....I guess we have the kind of relationship that is very different from some, but I would not change it for anything......